I felt an immense sense of satisfaction when a mother came up to me towards the end of last year in town and told me that my blog about acne had helped her daughter- sharing my experiences on here, and knowing that they actually help people, is something that I am so happy about; I hope that people realise from these posts that I am a completely normal teenage, who struggles equally with teenage problems… I just happened to have an unusual job.
I wanted to talk about something that isn’t something I am confident about- in fact, nobody knows this… not my band mates, not my best friends from home… and not even my family. I am so lucky to have the opportunities of being in a band; I get to travel the world with my best friends, and we have the absolute BEST fans in the world. I have loving parents, who support my every adventure, even when they don’t agree with my decisions. I have loyal friends who have stuck with me since I was 4 years old; whether it was riding my bike, or picking up a guitar and wanting to cover ‘The White Stripes’, friends like Adam have always been there for me.
Being in The Vamps has already given me incredible experiences- I have met some of the most amazing people in the world and seen some remarkable places. I’ve met people like my manager, Joe, and our camera man, Dean; two guys who I honestly call best friends and hope to know for the rest of our lives. Seeing Brad develop from a school boy from Sutton Coldfield into an amazing young adult has given me an enormous sense of pride; he’s come so far. It’s the same with Tristan and Connor… Connor actually speaks now ;)
What I am trying to say is that I can honestly say that my life right now is what I’ve always wanted- ever since I picked up a guitar at age 12 after watching videos of Good Charlotte.
However, whilst one may presume that with these incredible opportunities, only positive thinking occurs, think again. I don’t really know what I am talking about here at all… and that’s because I haven’t even learnt to deal with this yet completely.
What I mean is, I struggle to maintain a positive outlook on life- I go through stages relatively frequently of feeling prolonged lowness. Throughout these moments, I am never satisfied; I fail to see how amazing everything is around me, and just get home sick. I push my band mates and fans away from me, worry about the tiniest things and pretty much stress about everything. Whether it’s worrying about what time I will be eating in the evening, or panicking when we are running 10 minutes late in the morning, I fall into a weird mood where nothing seems to be ‘going right’. This is something that I’ve been dealing with for the past year seriously I would say.
I would spend literally hours on twitter reading every single tweet, it was almost like I was purposely looking for any hate I might have received. The truth is I bypassed all the love I was being sent by fans, because I wasn’t feeling positive about anything…
I’m not sure if what I feel is something that others have gone through, or are going through now.. but I know that IT IS NOT HEALTHY.
It was towards the end of last year that I realised I had to do something about this- I was pushing my family, band mates and even fans away from me- the people closest to me, who are here for me became people who I was, for some reason, frustrated with for no reason. They hadn’t done anything, but in my mind I didn’t want to spend time with anybody else… I wanted to be on my own, in my own space forever.
Basically, the coming on the New Year has given me an opportunity: and opportunity to change how I view life. In truth, life IS short… you don’t know what’s going to happen in your life… it sounds crazy but bizarre things happen and there’s simply just not enough time to fall out with people and be permanently negative throughout life- if you don’t make the most of the time with your parents and friends now then you’re going to regret it in later life, or when they’ve gone. One thing I’ve discovered is you can’t dwell on the negative, or in the past. The future is genuinely something you can mould for yourself- if you’ve fallen out with people, most of the time you CAN make it right if you really want to… You just need to be the bigger person and actively seek to make bridges with people you’ve strayed from. I’m not saying that’s easy at all by the way.. because it’s not at all… but that leads me onto another thing…
STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE… you’ll never truly achieve greater things if you stay ‘comfortable’. I have discovered this relatively recently.. whether it’s volunteering to cook on ‘Sunday Brunch’, or having a go at speaking on radio interviews, giving something new a go is rewarding- you realise that you CAN do things you never thought you could.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that being optimistic all the time isn’t easy… it’s normal to have stages where you’re feeling low… but it’s important in these times to reflect on your surroundings; view these periods as opportunities- it’s totally in your hands to achieve and succeed.. nobody else can do that for you. This is something I have recently discovered, and something that I hope will continue to help me when I am feeling isolated and despondent.
Being bed-ridden for the past 48 hours has made me think about something that’s been playing on my mind for the past few weeks. I have come to realise that there are a great many similarities between hate and love. It sounds strange, however every single time I go on twitter or instagram I see so many individuals adamant to cause destruction, pain and upset. I see girls as young as 13 telling others to self-harm, even kill themselves. I see people desperate to unpick a person’s stability; they find any shred of insecurity within a person and play on it. I see people who actively seek confrontation- people who can’t accept the fact that people are allowed to like more than one band.
I view these people, not with anger, but with sadness; I pity the ignorance that appears to cloak the world of social media. I worry for the innocence of young teenagers who will soon enter this world of deceit and quarrel. I worry for my younger sister, who knows nothing of this hatred. However, what amazes me the most here is that this negative notion could so easily be adjusted into something positive.
The attributes present in a hateful relationship are as necessary in a loving one. For example, these hateful people are determined- determined to bring someone down. Love requires determination in order to develop and flourish; you must be determined to break the restrains around you and be with someone you love. Desperation- I see people desperate to provoke a reaction, desperate to source that inner misery when searching for insecurities within others. I believe that desperation has a role in love- the notion of one acting in ‘rash or extreme behaviour’ should be present in love, because love does not know restrain, nor does it know time. Love knows when to go all in, regardless of what may be ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.
You see, when comparing love and hate, it’s not hard to recognise similarities- both require intense emotion; in fact, they share the same emotions entirely, it is simply down to us to adhere to what they are telling us. This has led to question why do we focus so heavily on the negatives on social media? - why do we argue about bands, hair, songs, girls, boys? … this will never result in solitude. Why don’t we use the very same emotions in a constructive way, making something beautiful?